woods.
I was witness recently to a middle-aged couple; together after each of their respective broken marriages. But that is not the interesting point about these two, nor would it be these days.
The interesting facet comes from the fact that the woman is Italian and the man is German. She speaks a little German and he speaks 2-week-tourist Italian. English is their only real common language. The interesting point is that neither of them speaks English that fluently.
Surely it must get annoying and be unsatisfying to not be able to convey to your partner exactly what you intend to say/think with the clarity of meaning only provided by a massive vocabulary and complex sentence structures – i.e. a mother tongue or very fluent tongue at least. How can they live like this I ask!?
I know personally the inner torment of desperately wanting to say the words that perfectly encapsulate ones thoughts but one just can’t find them in the foreign tongue. Often the compromise is a watered down version lacking the full intention and meaning.
Anyway, the answer to my question it seems is “just fine thank you.” This is what I can see after one week of exposure at least. They get along and survive OK. They have been together for over a year as well, although don’t live together in the same country.
It seems that because neither of them are native English speakers all of the little mistakes they both make in their speaking wouldn’t be so glaringly obvious or irritating. I’m referring to mistakes like omitting “does” in sentences like “where does this go?”…and other classic non-native-speaker mistakes.
There are also the more subtle aspects such as intonation. I noticed that the Italian woman would say some things in an “Italian way” which come across a little rude in English, to a native speaker at least. Again, these things are probably not noticed either.
So in a way they have probably formed their own English-like language complete with their own slightly skewed word meanings and subtle intonations.
Maybe some people don’t require a native tongue connection to have a meaningful relationship. Maybe I’m putting too many of my own expectations into this.
Or maybe it helps their relationship in some ways. Being forced to reconstruct thoughts from complex and often slang-filled language into cleaner and simpler language can be a very beneficial process. I have noticed this through learning Italian. It forces one to actually think more about the meaning of what they’re saying. For example, I can’t hide behind words such as “cool” – I actually have to use an adjective that describes what I actually mean. Either that or I just use bello.
This type of issue must occur in a lot of modern day relationships, with the increasingly smaller world etc. Especially with English as it tends to be the common language in inter-country connections of all sorts.
le lingue sono difficile da imparare!
Learning another language has made me appreciate how absolutely fundamental and critical languages are to life; all aspects of life - from mundane day-to-day life to the poetic idea of essential existence. Language is the substance of our thoughts, the interpreter of our actions, the light for our cultures and the glue that allows us to connect as people. Serious business is that language. I hope that by now I have used enough big words to convince you just how important language is; now we can proceed…
Seriously though, language is key. It allows us to communicate and hence to define people and their cultures. The Italian language, or more specifically how Italians speak it, is an interesting one. The Italian culture is reflected in the language as one would expect. A note is required here…I don’t want to make this a grandiose analytical discourse on Italian culture etc. I can only talk about what I have witnessed with Italians in shops and other such places, Italian friends and also through the family I’m staying with at the moment. Also the usual limitations of stereotypes obviously apply here. And finally, I realise I’m mixing in analysis of Italian culture and not really linking it back to my main topic of language…meh, it’s a blog post not an essay. OK, now that we’ve cleared that up…
Firstly, communication tends to be more direct. People are able to maintain relatively calm and reasoned conversations on topics which would have people from British/NZ/Aussie cultures red-faced and sweaty. For example, I witnessed two people arguing in a line at the post office (lines, lines everywhere). A woman confronted a man in a very direct way about pushing in front of her. He calmly explained that he had a special request and wouldn’t take long (I’m fairly sure – something like that anyway). The woman retorted with the benefits of lines for the greater good and the man restated his own personal wants. The interaction went on like this for literally 2-3 minutes without either person becoming flustered or appearing embarrassed in front of the 50-60 other people in the room who could hear (Italians speak loud). It ended with the man walking out looking a bit dejected and annoyed but definitely not embarrassed. I thought to myself at the time that this scenario would be so improbable in NZ; that two people with the necessary qualities would happen to be in the same place at the same time.
Further examples are the dinner table conversations we have sometimes, or more appropriately stated, that I witness. Relatively sensitive topics are aired and discussed in a matter-of-fact and open way without expressed embarrassment or awkwardness. This type of thing happens, in my opinion, more than in a typical NZ household. The Italian language reflects this directness I believe. I don’t know enough about the language to explain this properly. It’s just a feeling at the moment. I can however throw in a few cutesy examples in a vein attempt to prove my hypothesis! Number one…the way of answering the phone in Italian is “Pronto” which means “I’m ready” - fairly direct no? Number two…a very common method of beginning a conversation or getting someone’s attention is to use an imperative form of the verb sentire or the verb ascoltare, which both mean to listen (among other things). For example, “Senti, hai qualcosa…” which means literally “Listen [you], do you have something…” or the more direct “Ascolta bene…” meaning “Listen well…”
Second, in Italy everything must be weighed and compared, and of course judged on beauty. You wouldn’t be too far wrong if you said life is one big beauty contest. Appearances are valued very highly indeed. Of course the concept of beauty is far more wide reaching in the Italian language than in English. While in English one only uses beautiful to describe objects and people of exception, it is a fairly general word for “good” in Italian. There is also the factor that Italians tend to find more beauty as they tend to be always looking for it and judging things. In Italy, you must have opinions on everything, especially food. Do you like this? How do you find that? Buono? Was it bella? Some very important questions right there. Not many dinner table conversations pass without at least one significant debate about the goodness or quality of a certain food or beverage. And in keeping with the paragraphs above, one does not need to hesitate to call out a particular dish as too salty, too dry or just straight up not as good as something else. Offence is generally not taken and in fact this type of openness (on food at least) seems to be highly valued.
Third, hand gestures. It would be hard to talk about the Italian language without mentioning hand gestures. They are of course everywhere, as I think most people know from the hand-waving, pizza-cooking, mamma mia-saying Italian stereotype. I have discovered they are actually essential to communicate here. I’m fairly sure people understand me better when I use them. It also just feels better to use them. There is something about the fluidity and rhythmic nature of the Italian language that lends itself perfectly to hand gestures. I find they can help me get into the ‘Italian mode’ where I pronounce things better, remember words easier and generally act more, well, Italian. I guess it’s the whole associating somatic movements with mental images/words thing.
Although sadly, learning Italian has actually made me realise how little I know about English, beyond how to speak and write it. That is, grammatically speaking, I know very little. For example, when trying to explain how to deal with countable and uncountable things in English to an Italian learning the language, I could only give examples. I had no rules, no reason for my seemingly random (to her at least) use of “some” or “a lot of” etc. I don’t remember learning grammar at school and I’m not sure if we did learn much at all – it’s a shame. However, after getting into Italian and being forced into the sometimes ugly world of grammar I now intimately know the meaning of a lot more grammatical terms and hence I am able to explain sometimes why a construction must be a certain way. Still though, it has been a significant entry barrier for me.
While we’re on the language analytic tip, I’ll bring in how we learn languages and how we know what constitutes proper language and what doesn’t – without having to bust out the grammar book every conversation. I know for me at least that I only know by example – from what I have heard in, and remembered from, the past – from year 0 onwards probably. Sentence constructions either sound right or sound wrong, or sometimes, more correct or less clumsy. And without the grammatical knowledge I talked about above, one has no way to explain why one construction is correct and another wrong. One can only give examples. This is of course fine for speaking and writing in your native language, but a problem when trying to learn another language or explain your native one. Kids are lucky, they can learn through many years of constant exposure to correct language. They have enough exposure to be able to build complex patterns of correct sentence constructions in their mind/memory – even without ever knowing why what’s right is right. Adults learning another language however can’t rely solely on this level and quality of exposure (unless they have 5-10 years up their sleeves and an ideal learning environment I guess) and hence must rely significantly on learning through the rules, the grammar, of the language. Of course exposure is also needed. Living day-by-day with Italian seems to be the only way to truly learn, for me at least. Constant exposure and reinforcement - like the babies get. I have had to become a 1 year old and group up over again.
So where am I up to? Myself, at the moment, I find that a lot of the time responding to native speakers when they’re speaking to me at full speed is like batting in a cricket match against a professional pace bowler. This is actually a good analogy for language learning. At first you can’t even see (think hear) most of the balls bowled at you. Then, after time, you start to recognise patterns and start to see enough of the bowls to hit some back. Of course you start by making simple blocks of the important bowls going for your wickets – think key questions that you have to answer and can answer with yes, no, ok, please etc. Then you progress to making small strokes, or more complex responses, such as “yes I would like to come, shall I bring my camera?” And then there are the more difficult strokes/responses. Boundaries, however, are still a long way off…they are the Holy Grail…the witty, clever, think-on-your-feet, must-be-fairly-fluent type of responses. I’m making small strokes where I can at the moment, still waiting for that four or six.